Masculine and Feminine Essence – Your Environment and You.

This film by the wonderful James Mattingley really beautifully describes masculine and feminine essence, how it flows within all of us and also how living in particular environments affects us in different ways. I’d love you to watch it and let me know how you feel yourself to be. And if you’re in Bali at any point do go along to one of his talks, classes or workshops. Beautiful wisdom in a beautiful environment.

I am essentially a feminine identified women who has learnt how to be strongly in her masculine for much of the time. As I’ve dived more fully into the works of David Deida and other teachers in this area I have come to realise that holding a masculine structure in my body really doesn’t work for me – it actually hurts my body to be so fully held. Instead, what I need is so much more feminine flow and softness. Often that feels hard to connect to as I live in a very masculine structured city, I’m a single mother and I run my own business. My life requires me to hold things in a certain way right now. But the more awareness I bring to creating an oceanic flow instead, the better I feel in my body and in my life as a whole. So I have a daily feminine practice that takes me back to where works so much better for me. The answer is always not to get stuck in one or the other but to move through both polarities. This ultimately takes some work but is worth it on every level.

I notice in my coaching and therapy work with people in my home city that there is a common theme that women often are holding the masculine in this way and are experiencing similar things to that described above, as well as difficulty in relationships and in their intimate connections. And the men that I work with often have an underdeveloped ‘healthy’ masculine and are suffering the repercussions of that too. As James describes, the trouble with this is that there is often a lack of polarity and therefore passion in a relationship or in attracting one and people are also finding that their lives often just aren’t coming together as hey would like.

I frequently work with people of both sexes on letting go of the unconscious patterning they hold that prevents them from creating the difference that feels better in their bodies and in their minds. If you hold a deep unconscious level belief that you’re not worthy of love and connection, that you’re not good enough, or perhaps that you mustn’t be ‘seen’ for who you really are, you’re not going to be able to connect to your true essence and will instead quite possibly have developed a ‘shell’ or protection layer that will require upkeep in everything you do. When that is transformed you are most likely more able to relax into your masculine and feminine energies in a much more flowing way and be much more fully present with your partner, in your life and with all the people you come into contact with. This has positive repercussions on an intimate level and in a much wider context as connection in all areas becomes so much more powerful and flowing. It’s a wonderful exploration in so many ways. There are many teachers and writers with whom you can explore this including David Deida, John Wineland and Eli Buren. I really recommend diving in. It’s been a game-changer for me and for so many of my clients.

To enable a deeper exploration of these themes and others connected to relationships, intimacy and love, Yaron Engler, a leading mens work coach, and I are running an exciting exclusive programme in London and online from November 2017. If you click on this link it will take you to more information about Me. You. Us. If it resonates with you do get in touch here and we can talk a bit more about the journey we will be taking you on and see if it feels like the right thing for you or looks like something that might make a difference in your life. Please also feel free to forward the link on to anyone who you think may benefit from joining. Gift it forward. You might just make an incredible difference to someone elses life too! We also havea  Facebook community to discuss these themes. Come and play over there too. We’d love to hear how these themes play out in yoru life.

Love to you,

Kirsty Hanly -


You. Me. Us. - programme for the masculine and feminine to meet.



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