A thought for today: How good are you at letting go?
Most of us spend a whole heap of energy in trying to control what we actually have very little control over. For today, see if you can find a flow that means you can hand it over and trust that what you need will come.
Just for today – Let what wants to come, come and let what wants to go, go. Just for today.
James Cameron is known for making pictures that everyone else thought were impossible. Big budget, epics that would stretch available technology and current thinking of what is possible. He embraced the possibility of failure in a big way, with millions of dollars at stake.
How much do you embrace failure in your life or work? I talk about this a lot with my clients. How a person can set their sights so high that failure is inevitable, but that it leads ultimately to more achievement than you otherwise would have had?
Most people aim low so as to impress by getting it ‘right’ or to make themselves feel good for achieving what they set out to do. What if you were to aim way above your comfort zone? What if you were to reach for the stars to get some way to the moon? What does that mean for what you create in the world?
Like James Cameron, I suggest you dare to dream bigger than you ever have before. And reach for that dream. Neither of us can know where it will take you, but I’m pretty sure it will be closer to a more magical life than you might once have believed possible.
Dan Pallotta is my friend’s boss. He’s a remarkable man and when I saw him talk at a screening of TED 2016 earlier this year and he really blew me away. And so it was so lovely that when I put a note on FB about this talk and my oldest friend, who now lives in Boston, Massachusetts, sent me a message to say she works closely with him I was so happy and it got me thinking even deeper about Pallotta’s message and about her. And about me and our families and how our lives have unfolded in incredible ways from that time when,as toddlers, we would draw chalk drawings on the pavement outside her house on a hot summers day.
I love the serendipity of life.
I believe deeply in the connection of humanity and in the power of big dreams, and I’m always interested in how we can ‘be’ with one another in a deeper way in order to enhance the collective experience. Ironically I don’t see my friend Sara enough at all these days. We kind of drifted apart over the years due to the twists and turns of life. She won’t really know it, but I really love her and always feel deeply connected to her. When I became a single parent and had to deal with the emotional and practical needs of my family around that, I really struggled for a good while to also give enough attention to the people in my life who I love the most. In all honesty, it’s still pretty hard. So often I have to beam love from afar.
But I encourage my clients to “dream in multiple dimensions simultaneously” and I like to do that too. So it felt good that I that this connected us just a little bit more than we have been, and also made me realise how disconnected I have been at times, even when having the intention of love and compassion. And it reminded me that I could definitely let her, and other people who I value, know lots more how much I love that they’re in my life, however distant our worlds are for the time being.
And so when we connect more fully and deeply and compassionately we have a richer experience of life and we can connect more fully and deeply and compassionately to our dreams and our potential for creating the extraordinary.
So I’m now sharing this with you. Mr Pallotta talking about who you can really be. So what’s your dream you haven’t dared to dream – yet? What can you dream for you and what would the moon dream for you?
So, if you know me you’ll know that I quite like to do things well. I like to have a really good plan. So when I was giving a talk in front of an audience and cameras in Los Angeles in the autumn (Fall) of last year I was all ready to re-create my experience at TEDx of preparing something fabulous, insightful and very well prepped that the audience would find inspiring, uplifting and you never know, a little bit world-changing.
If you’ve seen that TEDx talk, you will know that I used to be very afraid of public speaking. I used to keep myself well away from being seen or heard and, as a result spent many years without making the positive impact on the world that I now see to be possible. This is one of the reasons that I am now a great coach and cognitive hypnotherapist: because I understand fear and limiting beliefs deeply, but I don’t let them stand in my way and I know that you don’t have to either. Instead, I’ve learnt to feel the power of who I truly am and to lean in towards the things that scare me in order to touch the magic of life. I believe that what you can achieve in this world is incredible when you strip away the areas in which you are held back and become free to be YOU in all your glory.
The Trafic Light System for Growth
In our experience of life – what we do and how we relate – we have options of stretch. Green is easy-breezy and safe and a little boring; Amber is where the stretch lives, where we feel a little uncomfortable, where we learn and grow; Red is too much – it’s where we blow out, where everything needs to stop. No one likes red. It doesn’t feel good. I try to live in the amber zone as much as possible and I encourage my clients to as well. Sometimes my quest for growth inadvertently takes me into red and I have to pull back a bit, but amber is a great place to be. I seek amber out – and I encourage my clients to do the same. It is in moving through amber that we get to everything we could possibly want. Another way of saying it is that everything we want is on the other side of our fears.
So as I was planning this talk in LA I visited my coach and talked to him about what I would talk about. As I was speaking he got a cheeky little smile on his face and I started to hear his thoughts loudly. I knew a big amber and maybe a little bit of red was about to be thrown my way. In the way that often happens in a conversation with a coach, I could see that my world was about to be rocked – and I knew for a while that I wasn’t going to like it. I’m quite used to this feeling. You see, I am only able to be the powerful coach and therapist I am because I continue to do my own work, all the time. Coaches like to keep you in stretch. If you want to be successful you should have a coach, or a cognitive hypnotherapist, or better: both. In the world of sports they know it and wouldn’t dream of doing their thing without a coach. Regular life is just the same if you’re interested in being the best version of you, you can be.
So, “Kirsty,” he said, “your stretch isn’t in giving a polished, rehearsed talk, with a powerpoint presentation. Your stretch is showing up with NOTHING.”
My body shook. I knew he was onto something. I was in amber, touching red. This did not sound like a good plan. At least it wasn’t the comfortable plan I had all worked out.
“Your stretch,” he continued “is in having nothing prepared, nothing rehearsed, no powerpoint. Not a thing.”
I hate it when people challenge me like that because immediately I know that I’m going to do it. I used to think that ouch! was a reason to move away. Now I know that the other side of it is incredible. What we can achieve in our lives when we embrace the ouch! is wonderful. I am living proof, and so are my clients.
I moved into amber when I saw that the worst that would happen is that I would say nothing. I may be revealed as not being polished and perfect and totally in control of my experience, your experience and the whole world’s perception of me, but no-one died from saying nothing and it turns out that we don’t have control over anything at all, really, so that’s a good one to let go of too. So I reasoned that on some level, it would be ok.
So on the day, I stood up on the stage in front of the cameras and the audience with nothing, curious at what would appear. I also took it a step further and wore the clothes that I had just been on the beach in, no shoes, no makeup and hair unbrushed. I was undisguised and had no plan. I knew that the intense sensations (that could have been labeled as terror), that I was feeling in my body was to do with how I like to control your experience of me, and my experience of me, so perhaps that would be a good place to start, but aside from that I was going to just see where I went to in the time I had.
Here’s the result. Have a watch and let me know what you see, think, feel and hear.
I’m actually quite thrilled that I let myself go into that space because I really did touch a little bit of magic that day. I connected to my intuition, to my essence and I allowed myself to be carried and it was beautiful. It’s the space that I live in, but not one that I usually present on a stage. I believe we all have exactly what we need, all of the time, but crazily we forget – I work with people on this all of the time, but still I forget sometimes too. But the more I do things like this, the more I remember and the more deeply I can remind others of who they can be also. Because when we take our feet off the ocean floor we really are carried. The ocean stops battering and instead supports and lifts and carries towards what we need.
Take Your Feet Off the Ocean Floor and Be Held
I would really like to invite you to allow yourself to be supported a little more than you usually would by the power of the ocean. Find moments of amber stretch that shows you the power of who you are when you trust that you are carried – when you take your feet off the ocean floor and are held. Magic is available to us in every moment. What would be different in your life if you stepped into that far more than you do now?
And if you’d like to have a conversation about how I can support you on your journey into the power and possibility for your life just drop me a line here and we can talk.
The media is full of two things in January: the importance of setting new years resolutions and all of the ways that you apparently will fail in doing so. Evidence based research tells us that most people trying to stick to resolutions will last only 24 days. They even have an especially depressing media term. ‘Fail Friday’ is apparently when reality hits most people, alongside the stick that they start to use for self flagellation over the months to come.
So what’s the solution? First of all always, always start from a place of self-love rather than dissatisfaction.
I am here to tell you that you are already incredible and inspiring just by being yourself. The question is how can you let more of that shine? How can you move away from default switched off living, towards a path of created purpose-full living?
The second part of the solution is to set a theme, or intention for the year rather than rigid and ultimately, blame and shame filled resolutions. And it’s not too late in mid January, February or even in September, because every minute of every day is an opportunity to live into who you can truly be.
Last year my theme was ‘Connection’. I wanted to set myself the challenge of finding a deeper connection to myself and to others also see how much more richness I could find in life, as well as how much more I could create in my work from that place. It was quite a ride that lead to a huge amount of growth, an incredible increase in my income, far deeper relationships and touching a magic of life that I could only have imagined previously.
This year I’m making it less about the external and bringing the focus much more into myself and my body. My theme for the coming year is still around connection to self, but this time in the form of ‘Radical Self Care’. By that I mean how I can micro focus on my body, home, spiritual health and general internal wellbeing in order to create an even richer experience of life.
What is your theme?
Have a think about it. if you were to set a theme for this coming year what would it be?
These three questions could help:
1. What belief could I introduce this year that would make the biggest difference in my life?
2. How would I like to feel?
3. What is it that I could focus on now that would have REALLY created a difference in my quality of life by this time next year?
One of my coaching clients set their theme as ‘A Year of Abundant Living’, another was ‘Speaking My Truth’, another ‘Balance’. What would you like more of, what would create a stretch for you? What is it that by living intentionally into your theme will give you so much more of what you want in your world?
What does it mean to you and for you?
When you have set your theme spend time either in quiet contemplation with yourself, or with a coach and write down all the things that come to you around your theme. For me it is things like, creating a daily meditation practice, specifics to do with how I manage my time and run my business, books that I will read, a retreat that I will go on, how I will parent differently, a more nurturing focus on exercise and sleep…
What will yours be? It may be useful to keep a running list of ideas on your phone that you can add to when you feel inspired.
And remember, it is impossible to fail at this. Everything you do or don’t do is just useful information – be awake to what it means for you, think fluid rather than rigid, take the feedback, and most of all enjoy the exploration.
Ask yourself regularly “who do I need to be in this moment to live into my theme more fully?”And most of all have the most fun you can have by being you!
Come and join me for an exclusive one-to-one coaching day with transformational Cognitive Hypnotherapy, Deep Coaching and bodywork sessions.
How connected to yourself are you feeling today? Do you feel stressed or sometimes anxious, or just that life is moving a little too fast and you would like to press pause?
How much love are you heaping on yourself right now? Maybe you find yourself stuck in negative patterns or limiting beliefs that you would benefit from letting go of, or perhaps you see that increased clarity and relaxation in your life would make the biggest difference?
Take time to stop, nurture and transform.
Most people spend a lot of time keeping themselves from themselves. I believe that in order to have the fullest experience of life we need to let go of the areas that are limiting us but most of all, we need to learn how to slow down, be present and connect more deeply to ourselves and to others. Come and spend the day with me in a wonderful combination of clearing, transforming, relaxation and massage where your body and mind will begin to learn a new possibility for living.
Nurturing for Growth Coaching Day Suggested Schedule:
Prior to meeting we will have a conversation where I can find out more about where you are at in your life and where you would like to be.
Then the day itself will start as we create time to breathe, reflect and transform how you are currently experiencing the world into something that serves you more deeply as a parent, lover, partner and/or in the wider world of your work. We will dive into transforming something fundamental and be open to the possibility that you will experience a powerful core shift that will change how things are currently showing up in your life.
We will then break for a light lunch and then in the afternoon I will arrange for you to have a luxurious relaxing, soothing full body massage or similar bodywork session to release tension and increase deep and full relaxation (the choice of treatment can be either a surprise based on what we discuss in our pre-meeting conversations, or you can choose one that would serve you to the fullest). This will also encourage a somatic release of emotional tension stored in your body from the morning’s session.
We will then end the day continuing the theme of nurturing for growth, where we will consolidate our work throughout the day and reflect on what it can mean for your life going forward.
Exclusive full day one-to-one Intensive with coaching, therapy, a massage or body treatment, optional yoga and lunch: £1,457 incl. VAT
For more information, or to discuss this or other coaching day intensives or one-to-one programmes just drop me a line here telling me a bit about yourself and where you are at in your life. I’ll very much look forward to being part of your journey going forward.
*Please note that there is also the option of starting this deep coaching day early with a yoga class – something I often recommend to my clients for opening up the body before a day of intensive work together.
**Please note also that gift vouchers can be arranged for this or similar deep coaching day experiences for loved ones, employees or others that you feel would benefit.
So yesterday I wrote about closing down my theme of ‘Connection’ for 2015 and setting my theme for the coming year of ‘Radical Self Care’. Today is all abut thinking what I will do to make an impact, through my theme, during 2016.
I believe in the incredible capacity of every individual to have an amazing experience of life and I believe that when we connect deeper to ourselves incredible things become possible in the world. I am interested in working with people who suspect that there is something more they can create – people who know that if they choose to, and with the right guidance and support, they can make a difference. Perhaps they don’t yet know how. That’s ok. We don’t have to be able to plot out the whole journey, it’s only ever about the next thing.
You are here for a reason. What will you choose your impact to be in 2016?
My impact will come through working with people like you who read my website and feel a resonance with what I’m communicating here – people who would like that support and guidance to let go of the things that are holding them back, people who want to create bigger and better, people who want to increase their positive impact on the world. Also 2016 for me is about widening that reach. My impact will come through working with and talking to larger groups of people, writing a book… I also intend to connect deeper with individuals who I know to be important, to me, but also, who by following their soul’s purpose, important to the world. Central to all this I intend to create a strong daily practice for myself to allow a greater sense of flow to be present in my life that will allow me to create in a more powerful way.
Finding and following your New Year intention for 2016
So today is New Year’s Eve! New Year is many things to many people. For me it is a time to bring the year to an intentional close and set a theme, or intention for the year to come.
At New Year I choose to break the mould and not to set resolutions. For most people they are easily broken and are often used as a large stick of failure and disappointment for self flagellation. Instead I like to pick an intention, or theme for the year.
My theme for this past year was ‘connection’. Pushing up against my edges I had a real ride with this one and explored what it is to connect deeper with self and with others, with success, with growth, etc. I became particularly interested in upper limit issues with connection. How much do we allow before we pull back, contract and disconnect from people, from being with ourselves, success, wealth etc. It’s a fascinating subject that I shall be writing about in a new book this year.
What did we learn?
My biggest takeaway from this theme is what I saw clearly for myself this year – how when we connect from a powerful place inside of ourselves, that is actually far beyond us, we can find the flow that means we have everything we need in that moment.
If you had a theme for last year, what have you learnt about yourself, others and the wider world? Or perhaps, looking back, you can see that a theme emerged over the year..? Take some time to write and capture your key insights.
So after much contemplating I have decided that my theme for this new year – 2016 – is ‘Radical Self Care’. I shall be making a project of 4 things around this: Body, Mind, Spirit, Relationships. My intention around these things is to explore how by cultivating an even deeper self-love and acceptance we can create greater magic for ourselves, our families, clients and ultimately for the world. I shall be looking at creating daily practices and rituals with self and in connection with others and also setting ‘impossible goals’ around the theme that will stretch and challenge my current beliefs. I’m excited at where this will take me.
What will your theme or intention for 2016 be?
What will yours be and who do you need to be each day, in each minute, in each decision you take, to live into your theme?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to send me a message here to share anything that occurs to you around the past year, or what is to come for the new year ahead. Research tells us that sharing your theme makes it more likely that you will live into it.
Intentional living is everything.
Who do you choose to be?
If you’d like to find out more about what it is to coach one-to-one with me just drop me a line here telling me a bit about yourself and what you’d like to explore or create in your world. We can then schedule the conversation that could be the start of something incredible for your new year and for your life going forward.
When things feel uncertain, unstable or when you get fearful, how can you send out more love into the world? How can your serve someone deeper, how can you bring more joy, how can you open your heart further?
Can you imagine a world where we were flooded with that love?
Be the change you want to see in the world. Love out.