Experiencing Your Relationships as a Catalyst For Growth

Obstacles or Catalysts for Waking Up?
What are you experiencing in your relationships?

Applications Are Now Open for the Me. You. Us. – Relationship and Intimacy Coaching Journey, Starting November 2012

 

Quote - Relationship and intimacy

Relationship as an awakening. It’s a big concept, isn’t it? For a long time now I’ve described relationships as the final frontier to everything. We can read all kinds of self-help books, listen to spiritual teachings, and take in all kinds of learning, we can feel whole and together and full and wonderful. And then we get into a relationship with that particular person who was sent to push all the right buttons to make us wake the heck up to something else.  It’s both magical and horrible and blissful and painful. Children are sent to us to do the same. It can feel like a universal joke, or the most bountiful gift – depending, in my expereince, on the day of the week!

For some people, they are in the right relationship but don’t know how to navigate what’s going on. Perhaps the sex isn’t as they would like it to be, perhaps there isn’t the intimacy that would make their heart sing or perhaps it just feels a bit dull or clunky. For others, they can’t settle into a relationship that seems to work at all, or maybe have put up so many barriers that they don’t even date. It’s a choice. We can walk awake or shut down to what’s available to us. So what is your path?

Me. You. Us. – Group Programme Starting November 2017

From November, men’s-coach Yaron Engler and I will be running our exclusive small group programme for a maximum of 12 individuals who together will spend 6 months exploring relationships, intimacy and love. Me. You Us. is a powerful exploration led by Yaron and I both in person and online.

Conscious relating is my path as for me it feels like the only true one to walk, and many of my clients work with me because they are choosing the same. How about you? If you’re intrigued or have a sense that this might be for you, if you want to explore, understand, let go of your blocks and dive into creating a way of relating that makes a real difference in your life then do get in contact here and we can tell you more and create a time for a conversation.

Please also feel free to gift this information to anyone you know who you think might benefit from this exploration. The intention of this programme is to make a life changing difference to those who choose to join us. It is fun, stretching and incredibly opening for all who dive in. If relationship is the final frontier, let’s all chart new and wonderful territory!

With love, connection and inspiration,

Kirsty Hanly - www.InspiringLivesCoaching.com

 

 

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Masculine and Feminine Essence – your environment and you. 

 

Masculine and Feminine Essence – Your Environment and You.

This film by the wonderful James Mattingley really beautifully describes masculine and feminine essence, how it flows within all of us and also how living in particular environments affects us in different ways. I’d love you to watch it and let me know how you feel yourself to be. And if you’re in Bali at any point do go along to one of his talks, classes or workshops. Beautiful wisdom in a beautiful environment.

I am essentially a feminine identified women who has learnt how to be strongly in her masculine for much of the time. As I’ve dived more fully into the works of David Deida and other teachers in this area I have come to realise that holding a masculine structure in my body really doesn’t work for me – it actually hurts my body to be so fully held. Instead, what I need is so much more feminine flow and softness. Often that feels hard to connect to as I live in a very masculine structured city, I’m a single mother and I run my own business. My life requires me to hold things in a certain way right now. But the more awareness I bring to creating an oceanic flow instead, the better I feel in my body and in my life as a whole. So I have a daily feminine practice that takes me back to where works so much better for me. The answer is always not to get stuck in one or the other but to move through both polarities. This ultimately takes some work but is worth it on every level.

I notice in my coaching and therapy work with people in my home city that there is a common theme that women often are holding the masculine in this way and are experiencing similar things to that described above, as well as difficulty in relationships and in their intimate connections. And the men that I work with often have an underdeveloped ‘healthy’ masculine and are suffering the repercussions of that too. As James describes, the trouble with this is that there is often a lack of polarity and therefore passion in a relationship or in attracting one and people are also finding that their lives often just aren’t coming together as hey would like.

I frequently work with people of both sexes on letting go of the unconscious patterning they hold that prevents them from creating the difference that feels better in their bodies and in their minds. If you hold a deep unconscious level belief that you’re not worthy of love and connection, that you’re not good enough, or perhaps that you mustn’t be ‘seen’ for who you really are, you’re not going to be able to connect to your true essence and will instead quite possibly have developed a ‘shell’ or protection layer that will require upkeep in everything you do. When that is transformed you are most likely more able to relax into your masculine and feminine energies in a much more flowing way and be much more fully present with your partner, in your life and with all the people you come into contact with. This has positive repercussions on an intimate level and in a much wider context as connection in all areas becomes so much more powerful and flowing. It’s a wonderful exploration in so many ways. There are many teachers and writers with whom you can explore this including David Deida, John Wineland and Eli Buren. I really recommend diving in. It’s been a game-changer for me and for so many of my clients.

To enable a deeper exploration of these themes and others connected to relationships, intimacy and love, Yaron Engler, a leading mens work coach, and I are running an exciting exclusive programme in London and online from November 2017. If you click on this link it will take you to more information about Me. You. Us. If it resonates with you do get in touch here and we can talk a bit more about the journey we will be taking you on and see if it feels like the right thing for you or looks like something that might make a difference in your life. Please also feel free to forward the link on to anyone who you think may benefit from joining. Gift it forward. You might just make an incredible difference to someone elses life too! We also havea  Facebook community to discuss these themes. Come and play over there too. We’d love to hear how these themes play out in yoru life. https://www.facebook.com/groups/MeYouUsRelationshipCommunity/

Love to you,

Kirsty Hanly - www.InspiringLivesCoaching.com

 

You. Me. Us. - programme for the masculine and feminine to meet.

 

 

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Lorca’s Poetry on Love and the Heart

Lorca’s Poetry of the Heart

I often start my day with music or by reading a poem. Today was Federico Garcia Lorca, the wonderful Spanish poet and playwright. I first discovered Lorca as at student at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA) where an incredible director brought Yerma to life for us all. Today, he is one of my favourite poets for his use of descriptive language and ability to portray, through words, a depth of feeling that often eludes people today.

I believe that when you allow it, you always get what you need when you most need it. So when I decide to open a book at a random page, I smile when I see what I’ve got. So today, this post is for you all, and also for me.

New Heart

Lorca's Poetry - New Heart. www.Inspiringlivescoaching.com

As I read Lorca’s poetry this morning I was struck by two things. How relevant these words are to my life right now, and how completely timeless this particular poem is. It was written in June 1918 but it perfectly describes those deep matters of the heart that never change across and throughout time.  How often do we observe the choice – to close down and lock away, or to allow heart opening growth and learning to come instead?

‘Shall I hang you on the wall
of my emotional museum,
beside my dark, chill,
sleeping irises of my evil?

Or shall I spread you over the pines
–suffering book of my love—
so you can learn about the song
the nightingale offers to the dawn?’

What do you do as a default and how does it serve you?  I know that I vacillate but try hard to stay open during times where my body and mind want to close. The reason? Because growth is always better than protection. Continuing to stretch and open and learn and grow means that you are always open to experience; that you get to live a little more fully each day; that you get to experience the full magic of being you. You get to see that life is incredible in all its pain and heartache, and love and loss, deep feeling and vulnerability. You get to experience the deep and wide expansion that can come from all those things when you decide to remain open and learn about the song the nightingale offers the dawn.

As you think about Lorca’s poetry, I encourage you to think about how open you allow yourself to be, how deeply you can connect to your heart and to others, and where you can listen more intently for the birdsong that opens a new dawn, in whatever it is you are going through.

If this resonates with you and you would like to explore how we can work together on these themes and others that you are noticing in your life, just drop me a line here and we can start the conversation that could open up your life in incredible new ways.

And for today – a huge open heart, and love to you.

Kirsty Hanly - www.InspiringLivesCoaching.com

 

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The EU Referendum and YOU.

Drama, drama everywhere..! (in the EU Referendum and in Your life too!)

You may very well know that here in the UK we have a referendum tomorrow to decide whether or not we stay in the European Union (if you’re in the UK, you would have had to be hiding under a rock not to!).

What has been so incredibly evident is that the whole campaign, on both sides, has been run through a filter of enormous amounts of drama. No surprises here, you might say. And of course, this is not unusual in situations where politicians are involved. The difference here though is that no one has any real clue of the facts of what will happen either way so the campaign has been entirely played through the ‘Drama Triangle’ (more in a moment).

First, I recently shared this infographic on Facebook. It makes me smile and just about sums up the feeling here in the UK, and probably elsewhere too. Whatever your views, it’s been baffling to watch the way this campaign has been run…

EU referendum

But as ever, I believe that we can learn something from whatever comes our way. So I wrote a blog recently on my Cognitive Hypnotherapy site about Karpman’s Drama Triangle and how we can recognise the states of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer, how hey can show up in your life, and what you can do about it.

 

Drama Triangle

In the referendum debate you will see lots of vacillation between these polarities as both sides use them to gain traction in their arguments. Wouldn’t it be refreshing is they all showed up as adults instead? Either way, you don’t have to get into ‘Triangle’ behaviour in your life. It’s easy too, but also in recognising times when you may Persecute, Rescue or play the Victim, or when this shows up in hte organisation you are part of, or lead, you can begin to change your default behaviour and step into a healthier way of relating to others and to yourself, leading to greater happiness, success, sense of personal power and fulfilment.

You can read more about it here.

In the deep work I do with my clients we often spend time working through behaviours that come from being triggered into one of these roles. As the unconscious patterns shift the transformation can be incredible. Within organisations too – change the drama triangle responses and you can positively influence the whole organisational culture.

If you would like to talk to me about what is going on in your life or in your company or industry, and how I can help just drop me a line to info@kirstyhanly.co.uk and we can begin the conversation that can take you towards a more successful, fulfilling, freeing experience of life.

Oh, and if you are in the UK, whatever way you go, do remember to vote in the EU Referendum tomorrow. This is an important one!

Love,

 

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Reinventing Organizations – Frederic Laloux on Flattening Organisations

Are Hierarchical Organisational Structures a Thing of the Past?

Is there a new way for organisations to structure themselves? What happens if the pyramid is flattened out?

In 2014, Frederic Laloux gave a great talk on the future of organisational structure and practice. He outlined examples of how some companies are restructuring themselves around three principles:

1. Self-management.
2. Wholeness.
3. Evolutionary purpose.

Frederick Laloux - Reinventing Organisations

He suggests that the way we manage our companies today is out of sync with where we are at in society and that it’s time for a radical shift in structure and focus.

His research has flagged up disengaged, exhausted employees; people who bring their bodies to work, but not their hearts; people who are tired of the rat race; endless meetings, bureaucracy, internal politics; over focus on targets and budget cycles; and a lack of a sense of meaning and purpose.

He suggests that something new is about to emerge – a flattened structure where empowered staff across the board are self-regulated and self-managed. There is much evidence to back up the theory and many organisations who have already put it into practice with powerful results. This article in the Harvard Business Review outlines some of the successes and reasons why this is working for so many.

Whether you are a leader within a traditionally structured organisation or one that operates a flat, non-hierarchical structure, or perhaps you just have a sense that a different focus of priorities are becoming necessary to address stumbling blocks for and your staff, I really encourage you to watch Frederic Laloux’s talk. It may just open up an enquiry that could make an incredible difference for how you choose to work.

 

 

 

 

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What will be your impact over the year ahead?

So yesterday I wrote about closing down my theme of ‘Connection’ for 2015 and setting my theme for the coming year of ‘Radical Self Care’. Today is all abut thinking what I will do to make an impact, through my theme, during 2016.

I believe in the incredible capacity of every individual to have an amazing experience of life and I believe that when we connect deeper to ourselves incredible things become possible in the world. I am interested in working with people who suspect that there is something more they can create – people who know that if they choose to, and with the right guidance and support, they can make a difference. Perhaps they don’t yet know how. That’s ok. We don’t have to be able to plot out the whole journey, it’s only ever about the next thing.

You are here for a reason. What will you choose your impact to be in 2016?

My impact will come through working with people like you who read my website and feel a resonance with what I’m communicating here – people who would like that support and guidance to let go of the things that are holding them back, people who want to create bigger and better, people who want to increase their positive impact on the world. Also 2016 for me is about widening that reach. My impact will come through working with and talking to larger groups of people, writing a book… I also intend to connect deeper with individuals who I know to be important, to me, but also, who by following their soul’s purpose, important to the world. Central to all this I intend to create a strong daily practice for myself to allow a greater sense of flow to be present in my life that will allow me to create in a more powerful way.

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Setting Intention For This New Year – 2016

Finding and following your New Year intention for 2016

So today is New Year’s Eve! New Year is many things to many people. For me it is a time to bring the year to an intentional close and set a theme, or intention for the year to come.

At New Year I choose to break the mould and not to set resolutions. For most people they are easily broken and are often used as a large stick of failure and disappointment for self flagellation. Instead I like to pick an intention, or theme for the year.

My theme for this past year was ‘connection’. Pushing up against my edges I had a real ride with this one and explored what it is to connect deeper with self and with others, with success, with growth, etc. I became particularly interested in upper limit issues with connection. How much do we allow before we pull back, contract and disconnect from people, from being with ourselves, success, wealth etc. It’s a fascinating subject that I shall be writing about in a new book this year.

What did we learn?

My biggest takeaway from this theme is what I saw clearly for myself this year – how when we connect from a powerful place inside of ourselves, that is actually far beyond us, we can find the flow that means we have everything we need in that moment.

If you had a theme for last year, what have you learnt about yourself, others and the wider world? Or perhaps, looking back, you can see that a theme emerged over the year..? Take some time to write and capture your key insights.

2016

So after much contemplating I have decided that my theme for this new year – 2016 – is ‘Radical Self Care’. I shall be making a project of 4 things around this: Body, Mind, Spirit, Relationships. My intention around these things is to explore how by cultivating an even deeper self-love and acceptance we can create greater magic for ourselves, our families, clients and ultimately for the world. I shall be looking at creating daily practices and rituals with self and in connection with others and also setting ‘impossible goals’ around the theme that will stretch and challenge my current beliefs. I’m excited at where this will take me.

What will your theme or intention for 2016 be?

What will yours be and who do you need to be each day, in each minute, in each decision you take, to live into your theme?

Share…

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to send me a message here to share anything that occurs to you around the past year, or what is to come for the new year ahead. Research tells us that sharing your theme makes it more likely that you will live into it.

Intentional living is everything.
Who do you choose to be?

If you’d like to find out more about what it is to coach one-to-one with me just drop me a line here telling me a bit about yourself and what you’d like to explore or create in your world. We can then schedule the conversation that could be the start of something incredible for your new year and for your life going forward.

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Success through connection

Success through connection

 

I have a theory that unhappiness, dissatisfaction, underachievement, relationship issues addiction and pretty much all social ills are caused by some degree or another by a lack of connection to self, to others and to the world.

By connection I mean awareness through understanding yourself – knowing who you are and what you believe; knowing what motivates and drives you; Connecting deeply to purpose; knowing where and when you open up and how you close down; understanding how you hold energy in your body and increasing your capacity to do so, being able to listen to your guiding intuition. And from that place of understanding and integration, being able to connect far deeper to others around you and create bigger and more powerfully in the world.

Incredible is possible.

I invite you to open the box of connection and dive into a far deeper experience than you might have previously considered.

Read more…

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Hard Success vs Heartfelt Success

Hard Success vs Heartfelt Success

I often work with clients on how to achieve a kind of success in life that resonates deeply with their soul. Most of us can identify when we were ‘doing’ life rather than engaging in life. ‘Doing’ life leads to a sense of disconnection, dissatisfaction and ultimately incredible underperformance. Engaging in life leads to creation of the impossible, deep relationships and soul connection and fulfilment beyond your wildest dreams. Read more…

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A Prayer for the Living

A Prayer for the Living

 

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I have this prayer for you:

Don’t be quiet. Don’t stop the flow. Don’t disconnect. Don’t give up.

There are things to be done.
There are changes to be made.
There are systems to shake up.
There is more life to connect to.
There is more earth to love.
There is more of you to shine.

Be alive. Be loud. Be connected. Find your passion. Speak your truth.

Be You.

Don’t forget who you are.

The world needs YOU to shine.

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